mick
Hip Hop Rant
Dont get me wrong, im all about hip hop…but it seems back in the day, there was alot of…how do i say….illogical arguments that didnt make any sense. Ill posit some situations in hip hop history that illustrate my point.
1. Telling me what to do - Look, i know hip hop is full of bravado and machisimo, and thats fine….but dont tell me what to do. Broken down, dont tell me to perform activity. Whether dancing (Beastie Boys - “Shake Your Rump”) or “raising my hands like i just didnt care”.
And lets go on about that for a moment. If i were to truly not care, why would i raise my hands at all? “Raise them like you just dont care.” Who the fuck raises their hands if they dont care? Fine, i dont care. So guess what, im not going to raise shit and wave it because i DONT CARE. If you wanted said hands raised and waved, i personally would want someone giving at least half a fuck. Public Enemy? Bring your own goddamn noise. I paid good money for this CD and concert ticket, and i now i have to “bring the noise”? Fuck you. What the hell am i paying to see? You lip-synch MY noise? No. No. Bullshit. YOU sing. YOU yell. YOU zikka-zikka-zikka the records. I shouldnt have to. The logic in this kills me. Illogical. Which brings me to number 2.
2. Have some conviction - Ok, we just mentioned how rap likes telling you what to do. In the next breath, guess what happens. They ask for permission. “Can somebody scream?” Why Kurtis Blow? Perhaps i dont want to. Perhaps YOU need to pique my interest to MAKE me scream. And you cats in A Tribe Called Quest? Just once, id love to tell Q-Tip…”No, Q. You can NOT kick it. Im tired of you asking, and it just gets us nowhere. So, my deepest apologies, but im afraid you will not be kicking it. Tell me youre going to kick it. Be a big mothafucka and just express desires/wants/needs to kick it. If you said to me, “Hey, Big Bird, im gonna kick it.” Id be like, “Shit. Go for it.” But if you ask me…i dont know if it is for permission or for validation….and for Q-Tip to ask lil old me for either reason is kind of fucked up. Especially when he asks me over and over….and that’s where my annoyance turns to rage.
3. Incessant questioning - No other hip hop trio does this more than Run DMC. Not gun lie, i love Run DMC more than some people i know, but the questions….the badgering…its like they are fucking 3 years old. Especially when they get their answer…
“Can you rock it like this?”
“Yeah, i can rock it like that.”
“But can you rock it like this?”
“Yuhhh..yeah, i just said i can..”
“But can you rock it like this…”
“Look, RUN, i just said 32 fucking times i can…if were going to do this, lets just establish that i can in fact, rock it like this, and get on with it. I dont need the interrogation, nor the third degree.”
“Ok, but all i need to know is….WHOSE HOUSE?”
“Run’s house.”
“WHOSE HOUSE??!?!”
“Uhh..Run’s House…”
“WHOSE HOUSE (say what?)”
“Goddamn it…”
And scene…point is…Fucking RUN’s house. RUN. The house…belongs to Run. Jesus Christ, is it even necessary to keep asking? Are you going to sign the deed of ownership over? I see your belongings…THAT is your credenza. THAT is your frost-proof freezer. THAT is your N64 (wait, seriously? that thing work?) It would be bad enough if i showed up at your house and started asking YOU these questions. But YOURE asking ME?
Dont get me wrong, i love Run DMC…the older the better…but jesus fucking christ. Their album “Down with the King” comes in at a staggering 5 tracks that score on the above 3 offenses. Bossiness (Come on Everybody, Get Open), Questioning (Can i Get it Yo?, Ooh, Whatcha Gonna Do?, Can i Get a Witness) and Repting themselves ad naseum…([you] “Down with the King?”)
So note to kids breaking into the rap game. Feel free and look to these cats as heros, mentors and forefathers of an amazing genre that makes up half of who i am. What you should do however, is toss in a little logic.
Next week we dissect the line “Im going back to Cali, yo man i dont think so.” YOU JUST FUCKING SAID YOU WERE!
